


and i didn't like the ending

by latarde



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F, Heartbreak, Heavy Angst, Infidelity, Inspired by Music, Jungeun Needs A Hug, Kinda, Lowercase, Marriage, One-Sided Relationship, Sad, Sad with a Happy Ending, She's Not A Bad Person, Songfic, Sooyoung Has Internalized Homophobia, Sooyoung Needs A Hug, Sooyoung and Jungeun don't even up together, Sooyoung is bad at feelings, Weddings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-03
Updated: 2020-08-03
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:09:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25691833
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/latarde/pseuds/latarde
Summary: sooyoung wasn't a bad person,but she broke jungeun's heart every single time.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip, Kim Jiwoo | Chuu/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Comments: 4
Kudos: 54





	and i didn't like the ending

**Author's Note:**

> exile by taylor swift inspired this :') -- i'm sorry if it's bad, it's not really spell checked nor anything. 
> 
> regardless, enjoy. and if you cry, don't sue me.
> 
> (if you want to whole experience, play exile on repeat and read it.)

kim jungeun didn't mean to stare, she really didn't. 

the twenty-four-year old was trying her best to look around the venue and fall in love with something. she wanted something to captivate her to the point that she forgot about sooyoung. the brunette had played with the centerpieces, which were absolutely stunning, white feathers and white roses. she'd try to talk with their mutual friends, but every single one of them were thinking the same thing. so, she opted for dancing with sooyoung's little sister. but then again, she only met her with a sad smile and jungeun was back again at square one.

so her eyes would always find her. 

she was currently suffering through ha sooyoung's bridal party. ha sooyoung, the woman she had been in love with since she was barely fourteen, was marrying somebody else and jungeun watched as he held her. he'd laugh, they both would, but her smile wouldn't meet her eyes. she looked tense, nervous, and everybody laughed at it. they mentioned how she was only getting the bridal shivers and how they hoped she didn't catch cold feet. 

jungeun felt like a bad person for wishing that she would get cold feet and back out. it was selfish to even think like that. she should be happy for her best friend, but she simply couldn't. she couldn't be happy for her when she was utterly in love with her. she couldn't plaster a fake smile, make a toast and wish the couple the best. just the thought of it made her throat burn with vile. 

_"you're lying to yourself." she had told her. it was the night that he had proposed and the tallest of the two had rushed to tell her. the girl didn't know if she did it on purpose or if she wanted jungeun to choose for her. but now they were arguing and throwing jabs at each other. her voice was full of anger, of jealous, of utter venom. she wished that she could glare the ring off sooyoung's hand._

_"what do you know?" sooyoung retaliates. she looks insulted and jungeun's is caught by the words that leave her mouth. "i'm happy with him, jungeun. you don't know anything about me. you don't know anything about us! maybe if you put my feelings first before yours, you could see clearly!"_

put sooyoung's feelings first. wasn't playing her best friend and pretending to be happy for her enough? wasn't pretending that every single touch between them was strictly platonic?

she's trying to down the burn in her throat with the sweet wine that all of the guests seemed to be sharing. sooyoung's soon-to-be husband was absolutely loaded. he had enough money to pay jungeun's student loan three times before even bating an eye. a blessing maybe. sooyoung deserved to be spoiled, especially with how hard the young woman worked. 

"we don't have to stay here, we can leave." jiwoo says for the hundredth time. kim jiwoo, unlike everybody around them, was her roommate and one of her closest friends. the brunette had moved in after sooyoung left to live with her boyfriend. it was awkward at first since all jungeun did was cry over her best friend and jiwoo didn't know how to interact. 

she shakes her head. she doesn't want to leave and let him win. she wants to let sooyoung know that she can do this. that she can play the role perfectly. that she doesn't have to worry about anything else in her life. that she can marry and still have jungeun by her side. or maybe she's trying to tell herself that.

"i'm okay, jiwoo. we don't have to leave." she says, emptying her third glass of wine and she hates how it's nothing doing to haze her mind. maybe it's not even wine. the server, on the top of their toes, replaces her drink with another one. she reaches for the glass and jiwoo lets a word out before she sips. 

"you look like you're about to cry."

because she is.

"the best friend blues, i guess. i've known sooyoung ever since we were kids." she lies through her teeth and it gets easier each time, but she's a hundred percent sure that the other doesn't believe a single word that leaves her mouth. "it's crazy to think that she's getting married. i'm happy for her. she's happy."

the wine is stronger this time. the server got the hint she was dropping. either that or her sadness was absolutely obvious. 

"now, how many times did you practice that?" jiwoo corners her and the heartbroken feels exposed. "you can lie to everybody but you can't lie to me, jungeun. you're upset because the love of your life is marrying somebody else. and there's nothing you can do about it."

the lump in her throat is what makes her rest the glass on the table. jiwoo's words never mean harm, but they're always blunt. maybe that's why jungeun keeps her around. she's not scared to be honest. even now she can't hate jiwoo for being honest. she wishes that she could though. she really wishes. 

when her eyes turn into glass, jiwoo pulls her out of the beautiful venue and she's hanging her head low. she doesn't want the guests to see her on the brink of crying because there's a difference. when jungeun cries out of happiness, her eyes glow and there's a smile etched on her face. even if she's crying. but when she's crying out of genuine heartbreak, she looks lifeless and the curve of her lips don't even shift. the audience finds his amusing, commenting how jungeun had never been able to hold her alcohol together. and although funny, sooyoung still feels the burn of jiwoo holding onto her waist.

_"this is bullshit." a sixteen-year-old jungeun says. she's throwing herself on sooyoung's bed and she's sighing a little too loud. as always, dramatic. she earns a glance from her._

_"what's bullshit?" sooyoung questions, genuinely intrigued. jungeun wasn't somebody to complain unless something genuinely bothered her._

_"why can't i marry you?" jungeun says and sooyoung freezes. the young girl doesn't catch how she's absolutely in place. "why can't i marry a girl? what's so wrong with that?"_

_maybe in another life, sooyoung could've married jungeun. maybe._

jungeun can't stop crying. she wants to, but she simply can't. she's pouring her soul out and she's thankful that jiwoo chose such a private spot for the both of them. there's beautiful flowers surrounding the both of them and for a split second, she's happy that she's not wasted. she's glad that she's sober enough to realize that the flowers are trying to comfort her with each brush of a petal. or maybe she's drunk enough to think that. she's clinging onto jiwoo's hands so tight that she's sure that her fingers are going to bruise. the other doesn't complain though. she only lets jungeun cry about her feelings and offers an ear. just like she's always had. 

for somebody that could be so bright, jiwoo was absolutely surprised at the fact that jungeun hadn't caught on to her feelings. she didn't make it obvious, since she was affectionate with everybody, but her feelings were there. it started when the other dropped in to see the shared apartment, when she saw jungeun with a hoodie too big and she swore that was her downfall. then the late night runs to the convenience store to eat started, the movie marathons and kim jiwoo tried her best not to hurt when the other would visit only to shatter everything jungeun was. she'd always sleep with the door unlocked, knowing that jungeun would eventually crawl in bed with her and cry. she'd always be there with open arms and she'd rub her shoulders in comfort. she wouldn't let her hurt alone.

"i don't know why i'm here, jiwoo." she says, trying her best to wipe her eyes. the silk sleeve of her white suit were stained with makeup and that earns a frown from the other. "i'm supposed to be happy for my best friend but i'm in so much pain."

"you thought you could handle this. it's okay. we can leave, you know?" she offers but the girl only thinks.

"don't be ridiculous, jungeun. we would've never gotten married. we're both girls." sooyoung says and even though jungeun knows that her anger is redirected at herself, it still hurts. the girl shakes and trembles while jungeun only hates how she's always the target of her hurtful words. she watches as sooyoung chews on her nails and eventually leaves the cold room. 

sooyoung wasn't a bad person. she was often emotional and had beautiful feelings. she was always sincere. maybe that's why she was so angry. maybe she was angry because she couldn't be herself without disappointing somebody. maybe she was scared because she saw how jungeun's parents saw rejected her when she confessed to never once liking a boy. 

but she still broke jungeun's every single time.

"jungeun." jiwoo calls, catching her eyes and she hates how hurt she looks. the girl doesn't understand why she's so hurt, but it still makes her heart ache. "it's time to let go of sooyoung. you can't keep doing this anymore."

jungeun knows. she knows that better than anybody.

"it's time to let new things into your heart." she says, brushing her thumb over her fingers and she's giving her a rather comforting smile. "let it be friends, hobbies, anything your heart desires... it's time to let go of her."

she's right. absolutely right. 

sooyoung's staring.

the party hasn't died in it's slightest, but her eye is caught in the panels. she stares so hard that jungeun looks up. they're miles away, divided different paths and it's obvious that sooyoung made her choice. it's obvious by the way that he holds onto her side and smiles at her with all teeth. it's obvious by the way that sooyoung pushes jungeun away when she tries to hold onto to her. it's obvious and jungeun hates how she only realized this. it's done. the deed is done. there's no more her and sooyoung.

_"you're an idiot." sooyoung says, a bright smile on her face and she's cupping the other's cheeks. nineteen and jungeun hates how she's been used as a pin cushion. how sooyoung's used her to cure her frustrations._

"you're right." she says, looking away from her and sooyoung feels her heart break. jungeun wipes her eyes and there's a look of determination of her face. jiwoo notes that. she forces a smile on her face now that she knows she's being watched. "are you ready to blow this joint?"

the bubbly brunette lets out a sigh in relief. "oh thank god. i thought you'd never say that. my feet are killing me."

jungeun laughs and for the first time in all night, it's genuine. "okay, let's go inside. say goodbye to everybody and as a sorry, i'll massage your feet."

"good idea." the other says and a bright smile adorns her feet. she's the first one on her feet and it's obvious that her heels are bothering her. she's trying her best to stay afloat and she extends her hand to the other. jungeun smiles, reaching for her hand and they're both standing, their hands laced together. her hands don't feel like sooyoung's, but they radiate warmth. a warmth that jungeun can't help but want to chase after. 

jiwoo's steps are short and curt, obviously in pain and now it makes sense why she didn't dance once. jungeun switches shoes with her, this time out of sooyoung's line of view and she tries to ignore the warmth that spreads on her face when jiwoo gives her a thankful smile. the girl guides her inside, now wearing her flats and jungeun follows, holding tight onto jiwoo's white heels. 

the venue is bright and sooyoung's parents can't stop smiling. she can't blame them. sooyoung makes a beautiful bride.

"jungeun." sooyoung calls out and her stomach only drops. she feels herself freeze under her words and jiwoo instantly frowns. sooyoung is suddenly infront of her and for once, she has a good view of her. she had avoided her through it all and she looks absolutely beautiful. she's wearing a white dress and her eyes has glitter on them. "can we talk?"

jungeun's sure that she looks like a mess. her eyes are swollen and her makeup is everywhere. her nose is red too. everybody around her can blame the alcohol, but sooyoung knows. she always knows. she feels a tug on her hand and jiwoo doesn't want to let go. with a nod of her head, she tells her that it's okay. 

"i'm going to say goodbye to the girls and grab our things. i'll wait for you outside." 

with jiwoo now gone, jungeun's left with sooyoung and she only sigh. 

"okay."

sooyoung guides her to the bathroom. it's a beautiful bathroom with beautiful flowers everywhere and there's a click of a lock behind her. for a second she hates herself for even agreeing to come with her. she's uneasy. there's so many things that sooyoung can tell her right now that would absolutely shatter her. she knows that better than anybody. but she knows that she's not going to change her mind about the wedding.

"are you coming to the wedding?" she asks and there's an emotion underneath it.

jungeun's too tired to even try to decipher which one it is. 

"are you?" she questions once again and that's when the other cracks. 

"i don't know." she answers truthfully and sooyoung's eyes go wide. it almost makes jungeun want to laugh. did she really expect jungeun to keep pushing herself over the edge for her? did she?

"j-jungeun, you're my best friend. i need you here." she tries to reason and that only adds salt to her injury.

her best friend. 

that's all she's ever been. 

her eyes water once again and she's so tired of crying. so she begs. she pleads. 

"sooyoung, stop." her voice breaks. "i can't keep pretending anymore. i can't do this anymore." 

sooyoung furrows her eyebrows together and that feels like a slap to her face. 

she only laughs bitterly. "you're going to pretend that you don't know? you're going to pretend that you don't know how i feel about you? those kisses that we shared, the feelings, i can't forget about that in three weeks. i can't stand beside you and watch you marry somebody else when you've played like a fooled."

sooyoung looks down at her heels and even though she's the one that's crying, she wants to reach out to comfort her.

"i don't know if you feel the same about me. i don't know and i'm not going to try to break my head trying to guess. i'm not going to keep breaking my own heart because you're marrying him. you're not marrying me, even though i've hinted it so many times, even though i was so obvious about it."

"jungeun, we were kids." the bride tries to reason and that's when she scoffs. she's insulted. 

"we were when i was sixteen. but we weren't when i asked you before you went on your first date with him. we weren't kids when you kissed me last week. were we?" she doesn't even catch how her voice heightens and sooyoung looks in absolute fear. she wants to tell her to be quiet. that earns a shake of her head. "i can't keep being your puppet anymore."

"you're not my puppet--" she whispers and jungeun laughs.

"don't lie to me. we both know i am. i'm the idiot that runs to your feet when you're lonely. i run to your feet when you need anything because you know i'll give it to you." she says and she's so tired of hurting. "i'm tired of whatever this is. i deserve happiness too, ha sooyoung." her voice is so cold that it makes the other wince. 

the heartbroken decides enough is enough and she turns around, reaching for the door when sooyoung clutches for her hand. the hands that would bring her butterflies, only make her feel utterly sick.

_"we'll be friends forever, right?" sooyoung asks, they're at the beach and jungeun gives her a soft smile._

_"of course, idiot."_

"what am i going to do without you?" she says and she hates that this is the path fate gave them. the fate that sooyoung chose.

jungeun doesn't have the strength to look at her and only delivers this. 

"you had your entire engagement to think about it." 

and with an unlocked bathroom, she's left sooyoung there standing.

the venue that were so blinding and beautiful, seem like a taunt now. jungeun doesn't have the strength to say goodbye to everybody she loves and instead, she rushes outside. jiwoo's waiting for her with a smile. 

she forces a tired smile. 

"let's go home, jiwoo." jungeun says, absolutely exhausted and she reaches for the warmth once again. she doesn't know why she feels so comfortable with her. she really doesn't.

"okay." jiwoo beams. 

jungeun doesn't go to her wedding. she had sent flowers and apologized to sooyoung's parents for not being able to make it. she came up with one of the worst excuses possible, explaining how she was ill and didn't want to move from bed. but she still, as polite as ever, wished the best for sooyoung and her new husband. she's surprised they don't question that the handwritten letter looks like jiwoo's neat handwriting instead of hers, but she doesn't have the strength to care about that at all. before the wedding even takes place, she's deleted sooyoung from every single one of her social medias and simply turned off her phone. she knew that her friends would be gushing about it and she didn't have the willpower to go through that again. 

four years later, sooyoung's on the brink of divorce and after an argument with her husband, she's scrolling furiously through her phone. she's going through every social media to try to forget the fact that her life was going to shit. she's trying to forget that she had the chance to be happy with jungeun but took a decision that made everybody but herself happy. 

"@chuueun: i think we make a pretty couple." 

and sooyoung's frozen in place. it's a much smaller ceremony but still, she can see the beaming happiness in jungeun's face. there's so many pictures that it makes sooyoung dizzy. in the picture she's laughing, her eyes squeezed shut and it's obvious that jiwoo is embarrassing her in the moment. there's lighthearted moments, but there's also emotional ones. there's a video of jungeun crying after seeing jiwoo walking down the aisle and instead of walking down the aisle, jiwoo runs in excitement towards her. they're hugging before they even exchanged a word and it's endearing. 

it's so endearing that it makes her sick. 

the wedding didn't take place in korea. it was obvious by the way that they were dressed, jungeun with a beautiful flower behind her ear and jiwoo with a matching one. they look happy. 

so happy.

sooyoung does the mistake of clicking on jungeun's profile and the caption of her picture alone, makes her heartbreak.

"@jungwoo: finally happy."


End file.
